One day I will share the details of my year story so I can potentially help others but it’s still raw some days and the story still involves another person so I’m going to just stick to broad stroke events and how it shaped what I’ve done for myself this year (in the interest of my blog therapy this morning).
January 2011: I got engaged to the man I thought I would spend my life with.
November 2011: I was let go from my agency job two weeks after I found out my fiancee (at the time) was dealing with scary health issues.
February 2012: I started an amazing new job at UM Canada with an amazing team who little did they know were giving me a work life foundation to heal myself and truly save myself over the year.
July 2012: One month before my wedding I made a bad decision that caused a series of events to happen that led to my fiancee (at the time) and I to “postpone/cancel” our wedding while we worked through our issues.
August 2012: 5 days before the “day of our wedding” while we were trying to work things out but were failing miserably I made a decision that the man I thought I knew and cared for was not going to be in my life forever and for my health and safety and self worth said goodbye. I spent a lot of time crying this month. I spent a lot of time feeling lost. I spent a lot of time on Pinterest reading quotes. I spent a lot of time on the phone or with my mom rushing to my side in Toronto. I spent a lot of time leaning on friends. This was just not a good month.
September 2012: I went on my honeymoon with my mother and began slowly a healing process that would take a year and is still happening to this day. I came home from that trip to find out the real reason why the relationship had been mostly a lie which in my gut I had known all along but was desperately trying to hold onto hope and love above all else. This month would mark the month that I decided it was ok to “move on”. I thankfully had two trade shows with my supplement sponsors that would keep me busy so I didn’t have to think, one which included a trip to Vegas with amazing athletes and women who I connected with. If you’ve seen me talk of Kyla on social media you’ll know that a friendship of a lifetime can be forged in an instant.
October 2012: I started dating a man. Yes it was too soon. No I didn’t want anyone to tell me that. The relationship would last three months. Some may call it a rebound. I call it the relationship that showed me what I want and need in a man. What I want and need in myself. I found out I love adventures and experiences and had been missing those in my life. During this time I learned to love myself again and knew that I had to bring back all the things in my life that make me happy that I had been sacrificing. This man also gets the credit for helping me truly define what an Alpha Female means in my eBook and inspiring goals such as Tough Mudder and more traveling. I also watched my love Krysten run her first marathon. I would see determination and fight in this woman and would be inspired. I would run my first O course on my own and feel bad ass. I would decide to embrace my love for running again and get all the necessities to run all fall and winter.
December 2012: My “bestie” as we like to refer to each other moved home from Norway. We had only met twice before. On her wedding day (we took one photo together) and the next weekend on a mutual couple friends wedding day. We instantly hit it off and I’ve cherished her friendship over the past year. She’s been a therapist from afar and I immediately rushed to see her when she got home so we could spend quality time with her horses. I also truly reconnected with another “bestie” who had cut me out of her life for a year. It was supposed to happen that way but I had gone through a year of trauma without her by my side. She’s truly my little sister, we fight like siblings at times, but she came back into my life for a reason and it has been so good to build our friendship again. I lost other friends this month too. I never sought the reasons why. I just had to let it be. Too much loss in one year for me to dwell on. I needed to focus on me.
January 2013: I created my own happiness project, set commandments for myself, themes for each month of the year and clear short & long term goals. I had always done goal setting before but this year was to take on new meaning. In January, I simply had to get back into a routine for me. Eat 5-6 healthy meals, drink 4L of water a day and get 8 hours of sleep. I needed to get back into the workouts that I love. Mornings; lifting weights in the gym, running once to twice a week (started back up with my lululemon run club, met a run partner and made a Sat ritual out of trail running), went back to yoga and tried my hand at new fitness trends and experiences.
February 2013: I was a bit lost this month, I started dating again on eHarmony (which is a disaster), was working on my reading project of 50 books for the year, focusing on my career in advertising, staying in the gym and healthy but I had assigned the theme “make room” to this month. I was cleaning my closets and condo of things I no longer needed but I was having a hard time making room in my heart when I was holding onto so much hurt. I was telling guys on our second date my year story which I needed to do for me and still do but was closed off and hurt. I was letting my story define me vs. letting it be just a chapter in my life.
March 2013: I went on a transformation retreat to Mexico with my best friend Eva. She hosts a fitness retreat once a year for her fitness class participants so I went as a part of the family. During this retreat I finally acknowledged that I was hurt and was still trying to heal. I’m one of those Alpha Females who doesn’t want to stumble on grief for very long. This trip helped me refocus, introduced me to some amazing women and gave me new goals I didn’t even know I had. Off I went back to real life.
April 2013: Before even one month had passed I had achieved my new career goal that I had set in Mexico. If that’s not a testimony that will have people running to the retreat next year I don’t know what will. I have my dream job in marketing, working for an amazing tech/content company Kobo. They want to make the world a better place by reading. A jump from advertising to the client side. A job in marketing and a global marketing position. It was a testimony to stating a career goal out loud, visualizing it and then going out and making it happen. Oh and Kyla came to visit me for a week and I was in heaven having her in my life as my roomie. It was a simple week, nothing epic but friendship. She’s one of those people that just make a mark on you and it was so good to just laugh and spend time smiling. I also did my second O course in honour of my upcoming Tough Mudder goal and continued my journey towards becoming more bad ass.
May 2013: This month would mark the start of me going for and reaching new fitness goals. I ran my first 5K for the year, did my first tough mudder, began training hard for a fitness competition that I would compete in, in June and met my current boyfriend. Needless to say this was a busy month.
June 2013: I decided despite all my goals that I would make a summer bucket list to make the most out of my summer. Summer of 2012 was busy with wedding planning that came crashing down around me so needless to say I was fueled to shape my 2013 summer to be one that I loved. I competed in the SAF Summer show in Ottawa, then ran in Color Me Rad the next day. I also learned how to let someone into my life even when I wasn’t expecting a relationship. I cancelled my eHarmony membership and thanked Facebook for being the matchmaker in this case.
So on this day, August 25th. The day that a year ago was supposed to be the “happiest” day of my life… I am exhausted, happy and of course slightly weepy. However, I am feeling fulfilled, loved and reflective. My blogs, quote hunting on Pinterest, Instagrams of me loving life and anything I post on my social networks has been for me first and foremost. I share things that make my happy and help me reflect on a life lived so far. Little did I know that when cancelling a wedding and beginning a year of healing that my journey could impact others. I’ve met and now received messages from women going through painful journeys of their own who have thanked me for sharing parts of mine. Women I didn’t even know read my blog or following me on social networks. So even though today is a reflection for me. I am posting it for others to see. I’m grateful for where I am today. Time does heal all wounds (just never say that to someone in the midst of grief). I’m still hurting. I don’t know if and or when I’ll ever stop. I’m still healing. But the key here is that I’m happy. I’m designing and living a life I love. For me. You can be selfish in what you do in your life while still being there for others. You can do things for your own health and happiness and still have fulfilling relationships. It’s a balance. And if I’ve learned anything in my 31 years it’s how to balance life and everything that throws itself at you.
Here’s to a year. Here’s to how far you can come in a year. Here’s to how different your life can be in a year.