Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

This post was inspired after catching up on The Lively Show. One of the many podcasts I subscribe to. Jess had started this blogging trend back in 2012 with her first Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post. She then closed out 2016 by sharing her new afraid thoughts on her podcast.

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

As someone that draws strength from being vulnerable and the personal courage and community it creates, here is my list of things I’m afraid to blog about, share on social media or the wide internet world.

I turn 35 this year and I’m afraid I might not ever become a mom. With MS, PCOS I have no idea if I’ll be able to conceive when we decide to start a family and that scares me. And whenever people tell me that they were ok, and they were able to conceive despite their health concerns it doesn’t help as it’s a personal journey for everyone to be on.

I get angry when I see people not taking care of themselves, especially if they are educated and “know better” because deep down I just want that piece of pizza but I know the harm it will cause my body and I’m projecting that anger onto others. I’m afraid sometimes to share my health tips and tricks because it usually comes across as bossy vs. full of care so that they may never deal with an autoimmune disease.

I’m such a perfectionist that it cripples me into taking action on things, like launching a digital product or providing a signature service online. I’m afraid to launch things because it will never be as perfect as some of the other entrepreneurs out there. So I create to do lists on Asana, and map out a launch and then let it sit there for months without any visibility in the world. See the new heading at the top? Goal Digger Workbook? I set it live yesterday with no launch sequence 😉

I feel like a horrible dog mom on a daily basis. With a full-time job, a passion for blogging, podcasting and building a network marketing business sometimes the “life” hours of the day have to be dedicated to my health and self-care and that leaves little time for training. It’s why we hired a dog trainer, I want to do better by our dogs but getting lengthy homework assignments weekly is really hard to tackle and I’m afraid I’m failing as a fur parent.

I’m working through interesting things that are coming up in therapy and I’m afraid where it may lead. I didn’t treat myself with a lot of respect in my early twenties and I’ve blocked a lot of memories away and terrified to work through them and understand how they are surfacing subconsciously lately.

Every time I see my grandmother, I’m beyond grateful for our relationship and the time I’ve had her in my life, but every time we say goodbye I ball like a baby thinking it will be the last time. So instead of being present in the moment, I’m really future worrying and afraid for the day where I truly have to say goodbye.

I’m losing my drive to compete in Obstacle Course Racing. I’ve struggled with my health and energy in the past year and my mojo seems to be returning but it’s not as gung ho as it was when I was living in Toronto. I’ve defined myself as an OCR racer for a bit now so it feels weird if I were to consciously stop doing them. I’m afraid to stop and step away from a sport I’m so passionate about.

I’m currently enrolled in a hunting course in May. My boyfriend and I got our gun certifications in March. He for targeting shooting purposes (he used to do biathlons) and I for future hunting purposes. I eat a lot of game meat to support my health and want to learn about the process, honour it and be able to do it for myself. I have a lot of vegan friends online/in person and I’m afraid for potential attacks instead of an honest conversation about it.

I’ve had many girlfriends leave my life over the years. Did you know that all 4 women I had originally asked to be my bridesmaids back in 2012 are no longer a part of my life? We don’t even speak or like each other’s photos on social media. And while I understand that there is a time and seasons for many friendships I truly grieve the loss of the friendships and question how I could have “done better”. I also find myself very, very guarded when making new friendships because I don’t want to go through more friendship ebb and flows. I’m afraid to get close to someone and have them choose to leave too.

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