Why An Alpha Female Puts Herself First

3 / 28 / 195 / 3 / 19

When I first wrote out the definition of what I believe an Alpha Female to be for The Alpha Female Podcast I put within the definition:

“An Alpha Female puts herself first so that she can fill up her cup and then have more energy for her friends, family, and coworkers.”

The whole premise is that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Now that sentence reads:

“An Alpha Female puts herself first because she deserves self-care and love.”

I truly believe that our self-care practices are completely wrapped up in how much we value ourselves. I believe directly tied to our belief system and whether we believe we’re worthy enough to invest that time and actions towards self-care.

And that is why self-care is so intricately linked to our self-love and our belief that we are worthy of putting ourselves first.

Do you believe you are worthy of 1 hour a day (or X amount) towards your self-care?

Do you believe you are worthy of taking time out of your busy schedule for yourself? ESPECIALLY, if you have kids and/or a significant other.

If you answered yes I can tell you’re on a positive journey to figuring out this self-care and worthiness link.

If you answered no. Ask yourself WHY NOT?

I’m not here to help you work through worthiness or how you see yourself. I’m simply here to spark a thought. Maybe spark a change 🙂

Week 6: May Cause Miracles

4 / 21 / 144 / 25 / 14

Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4 and Week 5 recaps here…

The last and final week of reading May Cause Miracles was a great journey. The focus in week 6 was all about working miracles into our lives. What really spoke to me while reading this book was the concept, engrained each week to choose love over fear. Or to use love to right-mind the perception of our fears. This week we are asked to heal our mind, continually learn how to witness and surrender fear blocks, trust our path and choose love to change the pattern of our world. The below quote also sets up our minds for becoming miracle workers in the world for others as well through our journey.

“If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.” – Aung San Suu Kyi

On Day 36, our affirmation is to continuously shift from fear to love. Throughout this journey, ever day one of the week was spent witnessing fear. Having it boil up to the surface makes it more real vs. just bubbling underneath. When I learned to witness my fear I did feel it showing up a bit too often in my mind throughout the May Cause Miracles journey. The below affirmation will be key for me to continually push away fear and just focus on love.

The background image comes from my most recent trip to Mexico on my 2nd annual Transformation retreat. Going to the ocean, being by the water and taking deep breaths is very cathartic and representative of me learning to practice daily affirmations of love.

Week 1: May Cause Miracles

1 / 10 / 141 / 10 / 14

I discovered Gabrielle Bernstein in bits and pieces over 2013. I downloaded her app Spirit Junkie after seeing people share the intentions on their social networks. I heard her being interviewed in the Kris Carr Spotlight course that I’m doing online and I then watched her TED talk in December. Finally I spent some time on her blog and website over the Christmas Holidays while I was at home in Ottawa. I really want to read all 3 of her books so I reached out to my social network to ask which one should I start with first; Spirit Junkie, Add More Ing To Your Life or May Cause Miracles.

My internet friend BexLife (as seen in my first Fearless Female Friday spotlights suggested that May Cause Miracles is the most practical book if I want to take action. She knows me so well over the internet. So I bought it on my new Kobo Aura which I treated myself to at the end of December (yay employee pricing). On her website she says that when you buy the book you get 4 free gifts:

1. Video Course: How To Create What You Want

2. Two May Cause Miracles Guided Meditations

3. Audio Book Introduction

4. Audio Interviews with Kris Carr, Mastin Kipp, Danielle LaPorte and Nick Ortner

You just have to enter your name, email, city and receipt #. Although Kobo doesn’t have a link to buy on her site I emailed ahead of time and they said they would honour Kobo purchases! So here’s a link to the book in the Kobo bookstore if you’d like to support our Canadian company (shameless job plug)! If you don’t have an eReader you can download our app to any smartphone or tablet and read the book on there.

Ok so I started the book on January 1st to start the year off to a miraculous start. Here is how my first week with the miracle guidebook went. I’m going to talk about the daily affirmations that the book takes you through but I don’t feel like I’m revealing too much as there is such great morning mediation instructions and journaling asks that you really do have to buy the book yourself to go through the journey you may need. Please share the images on your social networks if they speak to you! I’m pinning them to a new board I’m creating on Pinterest so I can look at them whenever I need an extra oomph of love. I’m tagging them with Gabby’s and my social handles because the images I’ve placed them on mean the world to me over my 2013 year and will be sharing them on my social networks.

Day 1: We were asked to witness our fear. During the journaling portion I wrote down some of my fears that I think I deal with on a daily or weekly basis. But I revisited them throughout the week to see if I could think a bit differently about my past and my present or bring up anything new as I became more mindfully aware. In the spirit of being more vulnerable I witnessed two different fears this past week that are usually a constant theme in my life. My first one is my fear of being let go from my job. This fear exists after having lost my job in my previous advertising life in Nov of 2011. I love my job and feel confident in my abilities but the feeling I got when I was let go the first time causes fear in my life in the workplace and I can’t seem to push it out of my brain. My second fear that I usually experience on a daily basis (which is quite maddening) is a fear of being alone and not finding a true love who I can have a family with. This is why it’s maddening because I basically think about romantic love on a daily basis which drives my brain up the wall. So there you have it. I am witnessing my fears and acknowledging that they exist.

Day 1 photo taken while on the beach in Turks & Caicos in September of 2012 where I went on my “honeymoon” with my mother after cancelling my wedding.

Day 2: This day was all about focusing on the willingness to change, to be open and to see love. We had to acknowledge a shift in perception. We were asked to manifest a willingness to see love in our life. I think the focus here that I needed to wrap my head around was one of self love and spiritual love vs romantic love. For me this also means embracing my religion as a Christian and knowing that I am loved by God. Day 2’s task was a lot easier for me after a year of ensuring I love myself. I’ve blogged about it extensively now with my Inner Purpose goal of 2013 and the mala necklace I wear by Tiny Devotions.

Day 2 photo taken while on a fitness retreat in Mexico in March of 2013 where I acknowledged I am still hurt and still healing.

Day 3: So today’s task was a combination of taking day one’s acknowledgement and day two’s perception change of love and ensure they are two separate thought processes and fear does not come from a place of love. I had to take my fears and acknowledge them again and mindfully say no love did not create this in my life.

Day 3 photo taken while on a summer canoe trip in Algonquin Park during July 2013 where I was so thankful for my life and the path I was choosing to take.

Day 4: The fourth day is really warming up the brain with happiness and love. Since I love the concept of gratitude this task was easy for me. I’ve already made an effort to look for gratitude in my everyday life by keeping a happy/gratitude journal. However to be grateful for the past and difficult times is definitely a mind shift. In my gratitude journal I focus on the happy and I rarely write down how I’m grateful for negative moments in my life. To take the time to see how I’ve learned or what I can learn from my fears was a great day for me.

Day 4 photo taken from the dock of a cottage in the Fall of 2013 that brought me so much peace and joy.

Day 5: Once you can recognize your fear and choose love you then have to forgive yourself for thinking a certain way. Once you forgive you can mentally move past it. Although I’m great at choosing love I’m not the best at forgiving myself for my past choices. I can acknowledge that I’ve grown through life experiences but I haven’t accepted the fact that my past choices are ok. I’m really hard on myself so this was a mentally fun day.

Day 5 photo taken while in Kelowna in November 2013 where I was just in awe of nature.

Day 6: A miracle is simply a mindset shift in perception. In my world normally I’d define a miracle as a surprising and welcome event. If I choose to shift my perception than a welcome loving event shouldn’t be a surprise but just that – welcomed. I don’t know if I’ve fully grasped this affirmation for the day yet but I will choose to believe in miracles in my life.

Day 6 photo taken while in Australia during my cousin’s wedding with feelings of being blessed but sadness since this was the first wedding I’ve attended since planning my own. I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by fear at that moment.

On Day 7 we were asked to reflect on the week. I have never had to acknowledge “out loud” (through journaling or blogging) the things in my life that I still “fear”. I’ve acknowledged the pain I’ve gone through but not that they continue to cause me thoughts of “fear” or a mindset of “fear”. I’m excited about the peace in my mind that this week brought and excited to see where week 2 takes me.

My Inner Purpose

12 / 26 / 1312 / 26 / 13

At the end of 2012 I sat and wrote down 13 goals for 2013. On Dec 31 I’ll post a recap on how I did but I wanted to specifically focus on the 13th goal I set for myself. The category goal was about finding my internal purpose.

I re-read the blog post called “The Myth of Finding Your Purpose” by Kris Carr last weekend that inspired the category goal. Then I re-read what I wrote. I stated that I was going to learn to teach myself that I will never be perfect. I was going to embrace my imperfections and accept them as I am. I was going to embrace self compassion. I was also going to be proud of my ambition, truly proud. I was going to understand that my ambition is good. That chasing my ambitions with integrity is good. I made a statement that I would ensure that my ambition would never take precedence over the good I already have in my life. I also said I will invite love into my life. I won’t look for it, I won’t chase it. I will just allow it to come in.

What I see in my statements is that what I was really looking for was the need to learn to love myself again. I needed to fall in love with myself and not a man. I needed to learn to forgive myself for leaving a relationship that was not healthy or good. I needed to learn that I did not fail but I learned. I needed to learn last year to speak kindly to myself, to be patient with myself and find the positive energy I have within. I also needed to learn that my ambition with my two careers has nothing to do with my purpose. I did not know that a year ago. Despite reading Kris Carr’s blog I was still linking the two together. I truly didn’t get that when I was writing out my blog post last year. I have always connected purpose with ambition and they are linked but not one and the same. Once I learned to love myself and all I have to offer the world I became more myself this year. What I put out into the world is more authentic and more me vs a carefully crafted brand and person which is what I’ve been developing over the past 5 years. As I share myself; a broken, self cherished and healing woman I flourish in my career and goals.

I had stated that I will invite love into my life. I was specifically hoping romantically but I know now that I was actually allowing love to happen through many different relationships. Through friends, family and through the many joys of dating this year. I love deeply and passionately. I love that about myself and will not allow that to change. As relationships with friends & family evolved and changed over the year I invited the right love into my life or found out yet again what was not right for me. I should not have tried to link inner purpose with finding a love in another person (man or woman). That I recognize and know. I needed to discover that over this year. It’s funny how sometimes we feel so smart yet really know nothing and are constantly in a state of discovery.

Here’s to 2014 and loving me. Here’s to exploring more of my self love and feeling abundant in all I have to offer myself. I urge you to examine and find your inner purpose.