At the end of 2012 I sat and wrote down 13 goals for 2013. On Dec 31 I’ll post a recap on how I did but I wanted to specifically focus on the 13th goal I set for myself. The category goal was about finding my internal purpose.
I re-read the blog post called “The Myth of Finding Your Purpose” by Kris Carr last weekend that inspired the category goal. Then I re-read what I wrote. I stated that I was going to learn to teach myself that I will never be perfect. I was going to embrace my imperfections and accept them as I am. I was going to embrace self compassion. I was also going to be proud of my ambition, truly proud. I was going to understand that my ambition is good. That chasing my ambitions with integrity is good. I made a statement that I would ensure that my ambition would never take precedence over the good I already have in my life. I also said I will invite love into my life. I won’t look for it, I won’t chase it. I will just allow it to come in.
What I see in my statements is that what I was really looking for was the need to learn to love myself again. I needed to fall in love with myself and not a man. I needed to learn to forgive myself for leaving a relationship that was not healthy or good. I needed to learn that I did not fail but I learned. I needed to learn last year to speak kindly to myself, to be patient with myself and find the positive energy I have within. I also needed to learn that my ambition with my two careers has nothing to do with my purpose. I did not know that a year ago. Despite reading Kris Carr’s blog I was still linking the two together. I truly didn’t get that when I was writing out my blog post last year. I have always connected purpose with ambition and they are linked but not one and the same. Once I learned to love myself and all I have to offer the world I became more myself this year. What I put out into the world is more authentic and more me vs a carefully crafted brand and person which is what I’ve been developing over the past 5 years. As I share myself; a broken, self cherished and healing woman I flourish in my career and goals.
I had stated that I will invite love into my life. I was specifically hoping romantically but I know now that I was actually allowing love to happen through many different relationships. Through friends, family and through the many joys of dating this year. I love deeply and passionately. I love that about myself and will not allow that to change. As relationships with friends & family evolved and changed over the year I invited the right love into my life or found out yet again what was not right for me. I should not have tried to link inner purpose with finding a love in another person (man or woman). That I recognize and know. I needed to discover that over this year. It’s funny how sometimes we feel so smart yet really know nothing and are constantly in a state of discovery.
Here’s to 2014 and loving me. Here’s to exploring more of my self love and feeling abundant in all I have to offer myself. I urge you to examine and find your inner purpose.