Self-Reliance Challenge: Backyard Gardening

7 / 13 / 237 / 17 / 23

In my quest to become more self-reliant, I wanted to learn to grow our own food through backyard gardening. I was very ambitious last year and unfortunately due to poor garden placement (under a very large tree), not getting enough sun and pests I was not successful in growing much. However, it wasn’t a total bust, I managed to grow some very round cucumbers, a couple of zucchini, a couple of peas, a few potatoes and very very tiny carrots.

Why Last Year’s Garden Wasn’t Successful

I am so grateful and thankful to my husband for building me beautiful raised bed gardens with cages to keep our dogs, squirrels and rabbits out. We purchased plastic chicken wire and unfortunately, the rodents chewed through.

What We’re Doing Different This Year

So this year, my amazing husband moved the beds over to the sunniest part of the yard, I hauled the dirt over and I planted what seedlings managed to survive the spring. This year I started a little later than last year and planted seeds in April.

Many of the seeds never sprouted. In addition, when we brought the seedlings outside in a greenhouse to harden off we forgot to weigh it down. One day it got knocked over in some wind and I lost a bunch of plants that didn’t take to being re-potted. So we ended up getting seedlings from Ottawa Farm Fresh this year. The 4 larger zucchini plants below were from the Farm. As well as the larger cucumber plants and the herbs.

I have 3 raised bed gardens that I grow herbs on our back patio so they are easy to clip for cooking with! I can’t wait to take picture updates as the garden thrives this year!

Alora has her gardening gloves on and a trowel so she’s ready to help me plant the seedlings!

Happy Backyard Gardening!

Want to follow along and see how it’s going!? I have a more in-depth update over on my substack.

2023 Summer Bucket List

7 / 6 / 237 / 3 / 23

Summer has begun and so has checking off things on our 2023 summer bucket list.

If you’ve been around for a while you know I’m a huge fan of a seasonal bucket list. However, I actually haven’t published one since 2019. Well with giving birth to twins in 2020, a plandemic and health challenges other things have taken priority. BUT the summer bucket lists are BACK!

So without further ado, here are things I’m tackling on my own, with my husband our with our whole family for our summer bucket list!

We’ve already checked off the Toronto Aquarium, SUPing at the Cottage, Backyard Bonfires and Fishing!

To tackle the rest I have strawberry picking planned for next weekend. We are travelling back to the west coast so we’ll be doing trips to the beach, boogie boarding, and making sandcastles then. We’ve got our first backpacking tent camping trip to Algonquin Park planned for mid-July. I’ll have to plan an ad-hoc front yard picnic as well as sprinkler fun and water gun fights. Otherwise, I’ll pick a night to keep the kids up late to do a drive-in movie and simply plan out the other events on our calendar so we get them done!

Do you make a summer or a winter bucket list? What are you tackling on your 2023 summer bucket list? I’d love to know!

Relapse-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis: The New Diagnosis

7 / 4 / 237 / 3 / 23

Well, almost 9 years have gone by since I was diagnosed with Clinically Isolated Multiple Sclerosis. After having my first large attack, I am officially in the relapse remitting group. I’ve had symptoms on and off over the years if I get overheated, but have never had a full-blown flare since my diagnosis.

My first MS flare since my diagnosis started back in February of 2023. It has been similar to my first attack that led to my diagnosis back in 2014. However, this flare lasted a lot longer than I expected and I’ve had new symptoms that I’ve never had before. After 5 months of trying to take care of myself the way that I usually do I finally asked for a steroid treatment in June of 2023 to end the attack.

My Symptoms

This time the flare affected the right side of my body as it did initially. My body started to go numb and tingling from my right hand all the way down to my right foot. However, this time the numbness also spread across my abdomen to the left side. I also had Lhermitte’s sign again, so every time I looked down what felt like electric shocks would go down my spine. And last but not least, I had a few weird instances where I would put on a sweater and my forearms from the elbow to my hand would go completely numb and I couldn’t use them. For me, that was the scariest, because the fear of losing the ability to use my arms has been hard to contend with.

My Mind Freaked-Out

What if I lose all use of my arms?

What if I lose all use of my legs?

What if I end up in a wheelchair?

What if? What if? What if? What if?

I thankfully have a really great husband who keeps me grounded in reality.

“You haven’t lost all use of your arms.”

“You haven’t lost all use of your legs.”

“If you do, I’ll take care of you.”

“Stop with the What ifs! They don’t serve you.”

Sometimes I need a kick in the pants to get my monkey brain out of doom and gloom spiralling.

And so began the exploration into why my health sidekick decided to become known again in my body. I began new research and doubled down on the 6 pillars of health to take care of myself and looked into new ways as well.

It’s been a frustrating 5 months and I’ve wanted to share and process things on the blog but I was in the thick of it and didn’t want to share anything I hadn’t properly processed or learned.

Struggling With My Overall Health

I shared that back in April of 2022 I had been dealing with restoring my liver health. Unfortunately, after 2 rounds of TUDCA, I went off of the supplement and my liver enzymes went back up. After making some dietary changes my liver enzymes reduced to healthy levels over the summer of 2022. I went in for routine bloodwork in March of 2023 and my liver enzymes had shot back up. I decided to take 2 supplements that I know are supportive for my liver; dandelion detox supplement and Liver SAP. I was also drinking different supportive teas for liver health in the evenings and getting back into a routine of castor oil packs every other night. This seemed to help and brought my liver enzymes back down by May 2023. Needless to say, something is going on with my liver and I’ve been trying to figure that out alongside dealing with this MS attack. It’s been a lot on the body and mind which has caused me a lot of stress. Let’s talk about stress…

Stress

I’ve gone through all the reasons why I might be having a flare and it kept coming back over and over again to stress. I had originally read “When The Body Says No” where I experienced an epiphany that the stress of calling off a wedding and leaving a toxic relationship in 2012 was a huge catalyst to my body becoming confused and me developing MS (which I was genetically prone to in addition to having contracted EBV when I was younger – more on that later). It was exactly 2.5 years from that stressful time in my life to the time of my diagnosis. Cue 2020, pregnant with twins, a plandemic, giving birth to twins, hemorrhaging, PTSD from birth trauma, postpartum depression and anxiety, being ostracized from society, not having community support, and the list goes on. And then 2.5 years after, I’m experiencing my first flare in 9 years. So my inability to process stress or just the build-up of stress contributing to this attack makes sense. The stress of the last 2.5 years has been a lot. So I’m giving myself grace and know that it’s going to take a while for me to take care of my nervous system and learn how to re-regulate again. Ok, let’s go back to EBV…

EBV

Alongside liver health, and managing my stress I also dove into the research around EBV which started surfacing and making itself known to me. In January of 2022, the “Longitudinal analysis reveals high prevalence of Epstein-Barr virus associated with multiple sclerosis” was published on Science.org. The link between having EBV earlier in your life and it how it is linked as a causation for MS blew my mind. “They” had finally figured out a key trigger. I still believe it’s a multitude of different factors that will contribute to someone developing MS since not everyone with EBV has MS, but now we know a little bit more about why T cells in MSers’ bodies are confused when they encounter B cells with EBV in them.

And thus began my research into EBV, EBV reactivation and if I could get rid of EBV in my body naturally.

I say naturally because, after one month of the MS flare, I decided to contact my family doctor and the MS Clinic at the Ottawa hospital to ask for steroid treatment to halt my attack. This meant brand new MRI scans and meeting a new neurologist. I will say that the new neurologist was great and really pleasant to talk to but immediately started pushing one of the latest disease-modifying treatments (DMTs) on me. With the advancement in science, the DMT no longer affects your entire immune system but simply acts on eradicating B Cells in your body. The ones where EBV lies dormant in. However, I’m still not sold on the drug and am currently weighing benefit vs. risk. And as I have functioned for the last 9 years successfully always considering natural remedies before something synthetic.

During this time my frustration with Naturopaths also began. I have always been a huge fan of them in the past and have always sought out their help before conventional doctors. I had to start working with a new Naturopath when we moved back to Ontario from BC in 2021 since my former Naturopath had decided to specialize in fertility. I began seeing one at BioHeal Ottawa and received a few recommendations on supporting my liver health. She was the one that had recommended TUDCA so I went back in to see her to discuss if I could naturally get rid of EBV in my body. I was put on a few tinctures and sent on my way. However, something didn’t feel right. I was simply being put on more supplements and I didn’t feel like they were addressing the root problems in my body. I also felt very rushed and dismissed in my last appointment with them.

I was battling with a lot of exhaustion, depression, and a lack of motivation and energy during the summer of 2022. So I decided to start working with a nutritionist who was talking about things like iron overload in the body and how it stresses the liver. Some light bulbs started to go off for me since I had received iron transfusions after giving birth to the twins. And I thought that maybe my liver hadn’t been able to handle the extra iron and was protesting.

The nutritionist was successful in helping me combat exhaustion and depression but had also urged me to go off of my vitamin D supplementation and had put me on a desiccated liver supplementation which another naturopath had questioned if I should be on based on the iron overload issue in my body.

I decided to go back to a clinic that I had been at before and started seeing a new Naturopath. After the initial 90 min intake appointment I received a bunch of recommendations I was already doing and one new supplement. So I went on that supplement and then found out I shouldn’t be on it long-term.

Thus began my search for another Naturopath. And this time after the initial 90 min intake appointment I received no information and was told I needed to book another appointment to receive any recommendations or a protocol. I had since reported that Naturopath to the Ontario college since I truly have never encountered any Naturopath who works that way.

I have yet to find a Canadian Naturopath who specializes in EBV and EBV reactivation. When seeking support and help from my IG followers, someone mentioned I should look into Dr. Kasey Holland and while going through her website and profile I discovered bits and pieces of information that led me towards new research. She mentioned that there could be several things that contribute to an EBV reactivation such as dealing with parasites or mould. More on that later…

Parasites

So after diving into EBV information with Dr. Holland and seeing an IG reel from the_detoxmama showing a video with Dr. Lee Merritt talking about autopsies on MS parasites showing a prevalence of parasites in the body… I decided to dive down the wormhole of MS lesions in the brain actually being caused by parasites.

Here are several references for you to look into as well.

LDN Research Trust and F1000Research and Dr. Lee Merritt: found that in a recent autopsy study, 10 out of 10 patients had nematode small worms in the brain. Thus began the line of questioning: Are the lesions in my brain caused by inflammation or parasites?

After months and months of frustration with practitioners and naturopaths, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands with guidance from Melissa Ramos for Sexy Food Therapy. I’ve registered for her Sexy Autoimmune Academy and will be doing an intensive GI-map test to see if we can discover parasites in my stool. If that’s the case, then I’ll be doing a parasite cleanse to support my body in getting rid of them as my next step.

Mould

Additionally, I’ve been diving into research around mould exposure causing EBV to be re-activated as well. So since I know that I’m positive for EBV I’d like to understand if that is also potentially causing this recent flare. I’ll give you an update once I’ve figured out the testing and share the results.

Lifestyle Routines

There are a few things that I’m really good at. Creating lifestyle routines that work for me is one of them. And I know I needed to get strict with some lifestyle routines to support my body in getting out of this flare. However, breaking habits that don’t serve me well is definitely a struggle.

While I’ve been really good at waking up at 5 am, tongue scraping, oil pulling, meditating, journaling, drinking lemon water with a pinch of salt, eating a meat stick for protein intake before working out, getting in a morning workout, showering, doing a facial massage all before my first cup of coffee. I’m also really, really good at staying up just a bit too late watching trash TV on my phone or in our bedroom.

My evening routine has really suffered over the last few years. I find myself desperate to escape into TV which really doesn’t serve me and I’m still in the process of undoing these bad habits.

So in the last month I’m being religious about my evening routine:

Having an Epsom Salt bath with added Boron 2 – 3 times a week (I’m deficient in Boron so I’m adding a bit of Borax powder to my baths)
Head into the Infrared Sauna (dry brush before w/ essential oils) 2 – 3 times a week
Hot Yoga one evening a week, then a cold shower
Date Night one evening a week

Other things to note:

Lights off at the latest by 9:30 pm
Installed a timer on our modem/router so wifi turns off at 9:30 pm (that way I don’t have an excuse to still watch TV later)

Vitamin D

Last but not least, we know that a vitamin D deficiency is linked to those who live with MS. Unfortunately, the data is not conclusive around causation but there is correlation to MS flares and low vitamin D. After working with the nutritionist last summer she had urged me to go off of my Vitamin D supplementation. I have no idea if that was a contributing factor in the flare. Since February of 2023 I’ve been tanning 3 times a week to produce Vitamin D in my body. And now that it’s nice out I’m trying to get at least 1 – 2 hours outside during the day. I’ll use the D Minder app to track my time and based on the sun’s position it will calculate how many IUs of Vitamin D I’ll be able to produce based on the sun’s presence.

That all being said there is a lot going on. There are so many puzzle pieces I’m trying to figure out lately and it’s been taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I’m finally ready to share where I’m at as always to help anyone else in my position and also use this blog as a form of therapy for myself as I process everything that’s going on. I’ll keep you updated as I move along this healing journey.

My First 3-Day Silent Meditation Retreat Experience

6 / 6 / 237 / 3 / 23

I am finally ready to share my experience attending my first 3-day silent meditation retreat. When asked by others if I enjoyed the experience I have been on the fence about it. 50% of me enjoyed the experience and 50% of me hated it. And I know hate is a strong word. It also took me one month to sit with my thoughts on the retreat. I wanted to ensure I was sharing from a place of contemplation and not a quick reaction.

I attended Tiffany Nicholson-Smith’s 3-Day Silent Meditation Retreat at the Vichara Yoga Shala at the beginning of May 2023. I was intrigued by the concept after seeing her promote it a few times on her Instagram. I had always been curious to attend a silent meditation retreat. I roped a friend into joining me and we quickly signed up one night. For once, I didn’t research the retreat details too much and the act of signing up was fairly spontaneous.

In hindsight, there are details on her website that if I had looked a little closer I would’ve probably decided this wasn’t the right retreat for me. While 50% of me hated it, I AM glad that I went.

The Silent Meditation Retreat Details

This is how the retreat is explained on the website:

“This retreat is a unique 3-day immersion experience that focuses on accessing our real and essential nature, our highest Self, through a balanced integration of Inquiry, Meditation and Vichara Yoga. This retreat is intended to reveal our pure, true, boundless nature, and to allow that recognition to be a foundational and unchanged seeing. This is not intended as a momentary experience or a restful weekend, but rather an invitation to Be as you truly are and to know that undoubtedly.”

With that explanation, I was hooked, but I should’ve read a bit further. I think in the back of my mind, I was signing up for a silent meditation retreat where I thought I’d be able to meditate wherever I wanted and there wouldn’t be a strict place where we had to “sit”. For every single meditation block on the schedule, we were prompted to sit in an upright seated position on the yoga shala floor. Thank goodness for cushions and blankets for comfort. I think I had been looking forward to more outdoor meditation with the sun and breeze on my face.

If I had continued to read the website thoroughly I would’ve found this…

“The teachings will be a unique integration of Advaita Vedânta infused into seated and walking meditation, yoga and contemplative talks. Participants will be lovingly guided and introduced to various self-inquiry pointings and inspired to integrate these into their lives to continue to reveal and get acquainted with the truth that emerges from within oneself.”

We only ended up doing 1 walking meditation. And because it was a silent meditation retreat I’m not sure why “contemplative talks” were on the schedule.

The “talks” are where the retreat did not serve me. I thought I was signing up for a silent retreat but instead, it was one where the retreat organizer talked at or to us, quite a bit. And for me, that wasn’t something I was looking for. I was also not looking for her “lovingly guided pointings” as she was teaching from her “gurus”. She did not explain who they were, she kept pointing to old Indian men in picture frames around her house. I’m just not sure if more information about them would’ve helped me be more receptive to her “teachings”. To be honest, it just wasn’t something I was interested in hearing and the non-stop talking had a negative effect on my subconscious expectation of silence.

The retreat started on a Thursday evening and we left after lunch on Sunday. All day Friday and all day Saturday our schedule looked like this:

6:30-7:10 am – Meditation
7:20-8 am – Meditation
8:10-9:10 am – Yoga
9:30-10:30 am – Breakfast
10:30-11 am – Talk
11-11:40 am – Meditation
11:50-12:30 pm – Meditation
1-3 pm – Lunch + Contemplative Break
3-3:40 pm – Meditation
3:50-4:30 pm – Meditation
4:40-5:40 pm – Personal Sadhana
6-7 pm – Dinner
7-8 pm – Questions
8-8:40 pm – Meditation

I am impressed with how much meditation we did and I feel very proud of the time spent in meditation and enjoyed 99% of the sits.

There was also a slight annoyance in the accommodation my friend and I shared. We had a compost toilet and a propane shower. Not that I needed a shower but when I did try to use it wasn’t working and then when they finally got it working again the water was so hot it scalded me.

And finally, there was also an issue with the meals. After I had signed up, I received an email stating that the retreat space was plant-based. Because I eat an autoimmune paleo protocol-style diet I intake quite a lot of animal protein and I know that eating a vegan-style meal plan for 3+ days wasn’t going to serve me well. I asked for fridge space for animal protein (that I would cook and bring myself) and I was told the shala was a “flesh-free zone”.

After several emails going back and forth with the organizer, they offered to let me bring animal protein and leave it in the cabin I was staying in. I brought freeze-dried camping food with me so I could get several servings of protein each day. They provided me with hot water to add to the packets and I would return to the cabin each meal to make my “meat” and then add it to the dish they were serving and then eat on my own away from the group. The one thing that I did appreciate was after several emails the organizer offered to call me so we could discuss the issue and come to a mutual understanding. I very much appreciated that.

Interestingly enough, magically, after my emails with the organizer, this blurb appeared on the website:

“PLEASE NOTE: The Vichara Yoga Shala is an entirely plant-based, non-intoxicant & caffeine-free space. Meat, alcohol, psychotropics & coffee are not used on the property.“

I would have inquired about this before signing up. If I had been made aware of the rules ahead of time I might have reconsidered signing up. She has other retreats on her website now and this blurb isn’t on all of them so it’s a miss in properly communicating the parameters that she wants to uphold at the venue.

What The Silent Meditation Retreat Taught Me

I always love to get something out of an experience even if I didn’t thoroughly enjoy myself so let me focus on the things that I did learn.

I can sit for 40 mins in meditation quite easily and quiet my mind. And that’s exactly what my mind & body needed from the retreat.
I enjoyed being in a community with other women in complete silence and not feeling the need to talk. I thoroughly loved all the small smiles we would offer each other and it felt amazing to be in community with them.
I can advocate for myself when I know that something won’t serve me well and compromise by bringing freeze-dried meat with me to ensure I was getting ample protein.
I can be open to experiences but when it feels like I’m being talked to or indoctrinated into a way of thinking that I’m not openly looking for I will shut off and get defensive.
I can go 3+ days without my phone and really enjoy being off the digital device.
I really love to journal and although I was in silence my brain/mind was very active and needed to process a lot of thoughts on paper.
When told we couldn’t even bring books I was a bit disappointed as I was looking forward to time in silence and perusing a book. This just goes to show that I’m craving more reading in my life. Funny enough we were told we could read books that were left around the shala.

All in all, I’m glad I went. I’m glad I experienced it.

But for the next “3-day silent meditation retreat” I think I’ll just book an AirBnB and do my own thing 🙂

Book Review: The LDN Book

5 / 23 / 237 / 3 / 23

Synopsis on Kobo.com

Could a little-known drug really revolutionize treatment for autoimmune diseases, cancer, depression, and more?

Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) holds the potential to help millions of people suffering from various autoimmune diseases and cancers, and even autism, chronic fatigue, and depression, find relief. Administered off-label in small daily doses (0.5 to 4.5 mg), this generic drug is extremely affordable and presents few known side effects.

So why has it languished in relative medical obscurity?

The LDN Book explains:

The drug’s origins
Its primary mechanism
The latest research from practicing physicians and pharmacists

Compiled by Linda Elsegood of The LDN Research Trust—the world’s largest LDN charity organization with over 19,000 members worldwide—the book features ten chapters contributed by medical professionals on LDN’s efficacy and two patient-friendly appendices.

The LDN Book is a comprehensive resource for doctors, pharmacists, and patients who want to learn more about how LDN is helping people now, and a clarion call for further research that could help millions more.

What I Thought:

I really appreciated how this book was structured. While I didn’t read the whole thing, I did read the Introduction, Chapter One: The History and Pharmacology of LDN, and Chapter Two: Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus.

There are other chapters on Inflammatory Bowel Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Thyroid Disorders, Restless Legs Syndrome, Depression, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Cancer. I may actually read the chapters on Depression and Cancer at a later date but I only had a few hours to spare this past weekend and wanted to make the most of the education I’m seeking.

I sought out this book as I am currently dealing with my first MS flare since my diagnosis in 2014. I’ve heard about LDN but hadn’t thought about it for my treatment. As I dive back into the world of MS research I wanted to see if this would be a viable option for me.

After reading this book, and consulting with a nurse practitioner I feel knowledgeable enough to want to take LDN. My only concern is that it is yet another drug/supplement that you have to be on long-term that doesn’t actually address the root cause of the disease and the flare-ups. However, I do believe it to be a great option for treatment while you figure out how else to create vibrancy in the body.