How To Avoid Being Called A Bridezilla

With a definition like this one for bridezilla, I’m pretty sure all brides try and avoid getting this nickname unless you enjoy being referred to in a derogatory way.

So when planning a wedding, how can you avoid feeling like a bridezilla, being called a bridezilla or in general just going a little too overboard on your OCD tendencies.

So this blog post was inspired by an interaction recently with a wedding vendor (that I personally did not choose to work with) where I started to feel like a bridezilla. It just didn’t feel good and as I like to do I work it out in words here. I pride myself on being organized. I get teased for it mercilessly when it comes to event planning or vacation planning but I love it and it allows me to create amazing moments and then go with the flow when the time comes to enjoy the moment.

When going through the planning process I knew a day of timeline is something that needed to be created. I read blog post after blog post and tried to figure out who was the best person to assist me with it.

I’ve been using Trello to manage all my wedding planning and it’s been easy and effortless to use. I created my day of timeline within the platform and shared with my day of coordinator who included in her services helping me with the timeline. She chatted with my photographer and they made a couple of suggestions. In addition, my venue provided a 9-page document that I printed off, filled out, scanned into my computer and sent back to them. When attending their open house at the beginning of May it was explained to me that one of the owners would complete a day of timeline and send along for me to look at.

After completing the timeline document, circumstances at my venue changed and one of the owners hired a local wedding planning company to step in and assist with the coordination of this season’s weddings. I did not get to choose to work with this planning company so I did my best to understand how they liked to work. I jumped on Skype with the owner to discuss next steps for my wedding, let her know when our rehearsal had been confirmed by the venue and asked about when we’d see a timeline. I was told by the end of June everything would be input into their planning software which seemed perfect. I could review with all parties involved and ensure it made sense and we liked it. I was told I could make edits in the software which seemed like an amazing way to go back and forth. I re-sent them the initial timeline document I had completed, with a few changes in the body of the email and a screenshot of the dinner portion of the evening from my Trello board.

The first version of the timeline that was sent back to me was a very long PDF document and only captured about 50% of the information I had provided, a completely incorrect rehearsal time and day and hadn’t taken into account any of my timing in my Trello board which had been reviewed by my wedding planner and photographer. After several emails of me providing the changes line by line in several emails and each time a new timeline being sent back that was still incorrect I asked them to simply call me to clarify.

I also received an email with phrases like “as experience(d) wedding planners” (they missed the d…) or “If you insist that we have specific timing associated with each speech or each course, we cannot guarantee the timing nor the quality of service as it will greatly influence the clearance of dishes and the delivery of the hot food.” I never insisted, I had just never been made aware that you group speeches to courses and not specific times.

I asked them to pick up the phone and call me. Which they still haven’t done.

Finally, our DJ called me (yes you read that right), he took over the timeline creation, conferred back with Evermore’s in-house coordinator (not the planning company) and it was completed in 2 versions and 2 phone calls. If you’re in Ottawa and in need of a DJ, I highly recommend DJ Kiwi and he hasn’t even proven his DJ services yet.

This story sounds slightly dramatic and completely unnecessary, I know.

So I look back on the interaction and I wonder how it could have been avoided.

  1. In person or phone call interactions are always better than email. You can’t tell the tone of voice or ask for immediate clarifications. If you are getting frustrated with a vendor, simply ask to pick up the phone and arrange a time to call them. I should have insisted or asked for their number.
  2. Ask your vendors to educate you. If you are confused about something that they’ve done countless times, ask them to educate you. This should take care of feeling belittled or patronized.
  3. Vendors: when dealing with an organized bride prompt them on the best way to work with you and provide them with the tools for them to be involved.

I hope this helps any other brides-to-be and vendors feel a little less crazy when dealing with each other.

I’ve also hired my day of coordinator who was simply doing set up and tear down of decor to run the timeline because she’s been nothing but amazing. Feeling less Bridezilla and just like my good ol assertive self 🙂

Can’t wait to relax and just let the day flow.

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