Book Review: Conquering Shame and Codependency

What says:

A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships.

Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships are where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another-often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.

In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.


What I say: This book made me a bit sad but helped me embrace the reality of our world. No matter what happens in life, how we are brought up, and who we associate with, we are all dealing with shame in some form or another and will over the course of our lifetime. It got me a little depressed at the beginning but pulled me out with the 8 steps to overcome shame and deal with ways we become co-dependent on others.

I am a huge fan of self-development books and so when I was asked to review this book I jumped at the chance. The topics & material found within the pages are quite heavy and I’m actually re-working my way through some chapters. I want to take the time to let the information sink in and do the writing exercises found within the pages. I’ve been doing work on myself to discover what I find shameful and to reframe it in a positive way. What I like about the 8 steps which I’ll share below:

1. Find Your True Self

2. Uncover Your Shame

3. Find Your Shame’s Roots

4. Disarm Your Shame

5. Confront Your Shame

6. Share Your Shame

7. Build Your Self-Esteem

8. Love Yourself

Is that I’ve been doing these unconsciously over the course of the last few years. I was of the mindset that if I announced I’m done healing then I am but moments, hurt trigger points, songs, words, and memories will probably always surface and it’s great to be able to remind myself of how I can reframe hurt to love and learning.

I recommend this book if you are going through a trying time and are looking for answers.

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