Lesson of 2014 – Worth

I was recently introduced to Gloria Roheim McRae through a mutual friend. She is another Alpha Female so I’m very glad our paths have crossed. She recently asked me on Facebook what lessons I’ve learned so far in 2014. I always do a full recap post at the end of the year on which goals I’ve accomplished for myself during the year and lessons I’ve learned. However, in the spirit of constant reflection I thought I would share one lesson I’ve learned before the end of the year.

Relationships touch us in so many different ways from romantic, to friendship to how we interact with our family members. I have been back on the dating scene over the past 2 years AND many of my friendships have completely changed at the same time. People have come and gone and sometimes their choice to leave hurts deeply. I must say that I have an ability to go into situations with an open heart, full of trust and respect before it’s even earned by another person. I apply this type of living to friendships and while dating. Being open has broken my heart, crushed my spirit and has made me question who I am and my worth through many situations.

No matter how strong you believe you are, when another person says I don’t want you in my life you can’t help but have an argument with your ego about your “worth”.

It may sound like this:

“Why am I not good enough for this person to stay in my life?”

“Why am I not worth fighting for?”

“Why am I not enough?”

I may be an Alpha Female who manages two careers, runs obstacle races, teaches spin, blogs 3 times a week and is writing a full length novel but I don’t have relationships figured out. I am not an expert and I’ve had my moments of feeling lost and broken this year. I’ve asked the above questions while air slapping myself in the face because I know better at the same time. I started seeing a new therapist that allowed me to talk out my hurt, figure out my hurt buttons from how I was brought up, from previous relationships and truly grasp that I am worthy of great relationships romantically & with friendships. I don’t have to force current situations to work when they aren’t right. I’ve put it into practice this year and calmly let people go who I know were only meant to come in and out of my life for a short period of time. Even if everything seems perfect I may not be the right person to be in that person’s life and that is ok and has nothing to do with my worth. I alone control how I feel and sometimes a third party ear is exactly what you need to figure out what you already know about yourself. Worth  You alone know your worth.

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